Came across this while blog-hopping.
And it brought back memories, painful ones that I can still feel how it was.
I can still shed a tear or two every time I remember it.
Until now, I cannot say that I completely forgive the deed, but the person, I totally forgave her.
I know its not entirely her fault, I was also to blame for what happened, maybe because I trusted her too much, I thought she was my friend until the end, I thought that she understood me. But then I was wrong, very very wrong in that case.
I admit I had a tendency of neglecting people, especially when I’m busy and when I feel that they don’t like me or the people I hang out with.
Basically that’s my principle, “If you don’t like me, then I don’t like you, If I don’t like you, then there’s nothing in this world that can make me like you”.
Way back in college,we usually enrolled together so we can get the same block, but that semester, we did not, so basically we’re not blockmates anymore,becasuse of that,I gained new friends which I think she doesn’t like but who I like to hang out.
Even so, we continued to be friends, I still confided to her, she still confided to me,but we never hang out as much as before. I tried to make her join me and my new friends, but she seemed aloof with them, so I did not force her, its not my nature as I said.
And so it goes, until that day, that day when I found out she betrayed me,that all the things I confided on her was used against me. (I will not elaborate what it was. It was just so complicated, nonsense thing that her new friends made a big issue out of.)
I don’t know what their intentions are of doing that.
It was so painful, I never dreamed I will be put on such a situation.
I thought she was my ally, I thought i can always depend on her, but once again, I was so wrong. I was so naive, gullible I might say.
I didn’t saw it coming, it was really like a big blow that I wasn’t prepared to take and it hit me really hard.
After all the chaos, after all the damage have been done and through, when we had this talk, that time I allowed myself to cry so hard in front of all her friends, my friends, and I wasn’t ashamed to show her how hurt I was by what she did, I valued our friendship and trusted her very much.
My mind cannot absorb the fact that it indeed happened.
All the things we have been through had suddenly been forgotten and it pains me.
That time I realized the meaning of “reality bites”. At that time I was bitten.
And I cannot find the ointment to ease the burning sensation of the bite.
It’s so unreal that I have wished it to be just a bad dream or a nightmare perhaps, but it wasn’t.
After that incident, It was never that easy for me to trust anyone. I find it hard to confide to anyone, I was very cautious, I feel like I cannot trust anyone anymore.
But now, I believe I am still capable of trusting but I tend to be cautious. I guess the bite leaves a scar. Because I didn’t used an ointment with anti-scar.
